Puns for Intellectuals

Puns for Intellectuals

>1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
>stewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only one carrion per
>passenger."

>2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
>purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.

>3. Two boll weevils grew up in S Carolina. One took off to Hollywood
>and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never
>amounted to much--and
> naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.

>4. 2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which
>sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and
>heat it too.

>5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar
>and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

>6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and
>refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

>7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the
>lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments.

>The
>hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to
>disperse.
>He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

>8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an
>Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish
>family and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a
>picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
>she wishes she also had a picture
> of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins
>for Pete sake!! If you've seen Juan, you've see Ahmal!!"

>9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
>payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
>business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
>suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he
>asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused.
>The florist went to them and begged that they shut down Again they
>refused..
>So the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in
>town..
He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers,
>trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back.
>Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their
>rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
>friars.


>10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
>created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
>little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from
>very bad breath.
>This
>made him ...what?
>(a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


If you got this far, Well ,what does that say??

Take Care
Bill Swann D.O.